we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
false alarm. still invincible.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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