why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
