Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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