Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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