I wanna bring you to show and tell
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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