my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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