Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
