I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i think my cat just said my name.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
