Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
