If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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