Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
