apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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