He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
