she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize