Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
