I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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