my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
