it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
