Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
