What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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