Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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