you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
