Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
