we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
