Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
