Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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