I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
