If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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