There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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