Can i not drive my cunt home
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
