Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
