Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
