I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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