Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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