well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I touched a dick in church today
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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