The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
