I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
