I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
