Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That was before I lit my hair on fire
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
