I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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