Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
