Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
