i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
