Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
