you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
