Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
so much tequila, so little girl.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
