So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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