I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize