went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
