The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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