HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
