i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
