guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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