Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
