they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
