Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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