I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
