your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
