You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
