Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Of course I have a pirate flag
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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