Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
