Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
