the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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