you traded sex for a burrito?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
