my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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