I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
