We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
