direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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